Last Tuesday saw hostilities return to the village when once again the annual darts match between the Ebor Players and the combined might of the Parish Council took place. The Ebor Players had won the trophy for the past two years and it was palpable that the ‘Parish Council’ team had only one aim in mind. Revenge! Now it would be only to easy at this point to paint the Parish Council (PC) team as some kind of pantomime baddy, …. So let’s just do that!
I am not sure what eligibility criteria was needed to be included in the PC team but it would appear it would be much more difficult to qualify for the Welsh or Irish football team. Let’s just say that any links would appear to have stretched the word tenuous to breaking point!! If the church bells ever fall silent due to the lack of campanologists, one has only to look to the PC darts team, there were any number of ‘ringers’ available. No such accusations could thrown at the Players however, thespians to a man or woman or both?? However they were to receive yet another shock as they witnessed the unedifying sight of their newly elected chairman, in his first public appearance, walk in and ‘high five’ the PC team. It would appear that at some point in the past and in a drunken stupor, he had once said hello to someone from the Parish Council and so he qualified. So with dark mutterings of ‘Judas’, ‘traitor’ and ‘wait until the next committee meeting’, the match started.
First up was the ladies and in a tense match Cayley Godfrey and Jo Bewley secured their first victory for the PC against a valiant try by Chris & Diane from the Players. First blood to the PC.
Next came the men’s doubles and the Players captain Liam Godfrey was paired with dart’s debutant Paul Brook. Brook claimed to have never played darts before and after his first dart it was easy to see why. Not for him the silky smooth wrist action of Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor, he was more like Steve Backley auditioning for the Lion King. I understand that a passing impala on Main Street had to be treated for post traumatic stress disorder! Given this and Godfrey’s abysmal track record in this event, it was no surprise that father and son Chris and Michael Dale triumphed despite some woeful throwing by Dale senior. 2-0 to the PC
Into the fray stepped Stewart Harrison and Cath Bruce for the mixed doubles. They were paired against Julia Sykes and part time cross dresser and unbeaten David Rose. Despite some fierce barracking and intimidation from Harrison and Bruce, Sykes and Rose triumphed to give the Players a glimmer of hope. 2-1 to the PC
The fourth match was a sight to behold, the men’s singles was between Steve Poulter for the Players and Dave King for the PC. It would appear that King qualified for the PC team by fitting a light bulb in the village hall during a PC meeting. This was a quality match with high scores being traded by both participants. King got his nose in front and then Poulter rallied with some terrific scoring before King finished the match 3-1 to the PC
The fifth match was a humdinger (yawn) between Tracey Patrick for the Players and ex Players Chair Lisa Thornton (is there a pattern emerging here?) for the PC . Thornton started well but then, as is her want, he went on and on and on almost letting Patrick back into the match, before somehow managing to score the 11 she needed for victory. 4-1 and the match to the PC
The sixth match was now purely academic but pride was at stake and the Players team of ,Steve Patrick and Kay Redhead were determined. None more so than Patrick who stood -resolute against Ian Jemison and Cayley Godfrey (again) and finished strongly. 4-2 to the PC
Last and most definitely least the ex and current chairperson of the Players, Davis and Thornton (again) had a hollow victory over Players debutants John Redhead and Lisa Beadle
The jubilant scenes that followed showed how much this victory meant to the Parish Council team, although albeit with a team whose qualification criteria was somewhat dubious.
The next instalment in this battle will be the annual cricket between the Players and the Ebor Players in the summer.
With the selection criteria the PC use you can expect to see KP (and I’m not talking about the nuts!) playing for the Parish Council as his brother’s, girlfriend’s, sister in law’s, mother once ran into Stewart Harrison’s cousin’s, best friend’s, goddaughter with a trolley in Waitrose in East Grinstead!